QUESTION:
What’s The Craziest Thing
Your Mom Has Ever Done?
Written by GLORIA NEAL
Photography by KIT WILLIAMS
In this new feature, radio host and writer Gloria Neal takes to the streets of Denver to learn about typical women. In each issue, she will ask Denver women to comment or reflect on a variety of topics.
In honor of Mother’s Day, Neal’s first column focuses on the special “craziness” that was part of every woman’s childhood.
The words Mother’s Day conjure up images of baked goods, warm hugs and pearls of wisdom. But even the best moms have done some pretty crazy things. Before I get underway, I want it known up front that I appreciate just about everything my mother ever did in the name of “motherdom.” However, there were some things she did that were just plain crazy. And I know my mother wasn’t the only mother who had “crazy days.”
And that’s the question I asked women all across the metro area. I wanted to shine the light this Mother’s Day on mom’s lighter, more comical moments. You remember the days when you looked at your mother and said, “She’s crazy.” Now, before I asked the fine women of Denver to open up and put their moms on “front street” (that’s what the young folks call embarrassing your parents these days), I had to flip the script and ask myself the very same question I was going to ask everyone else: What’s the craziest thing your mom has ever done?
Well, here goes.
The Water Spot
During my 14th year on this big blue marble, my mother had one of her more memorable crazy moments. Fed up with all the glass rings my siblings and I were leaving on the solid wood tables in the living room, she decided to take action. The “Queen of Clean” would tell you to do something only so many times. My siblings and I didn’t understand how close my mother was to the edge until we came home from school one day and saw she had covered every table in the living room with old newspapers. Her method was crazy but effective. To this day, I won’t put a glass on a table without asking for a coaster.
Here are some other “Crazy Momma” stories, as told to me by some of the wonderful women of Denver. I approached unsuspecting women to ask them, What’s the craziest thing your mom has ever done? I realized later the question worked so well because it reminded each woman of her relationship with her mother — when they last spoke, what was said during that conversation, what should not have been said and what could have been said better.
Honey, you know what they say: “If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.” Let’s face it, the relationship between mothers and daughters can be bumpy. Sometimes you hate that you care so much about what your mother thinks when it comes to your life. And no matter how old you get, to your mother you’re never really grown up. On a side note, I’ll use only first names to protect the children of the crazy mommas.
The Car Ride
Bazi and her three siblings grew up in rural Colorado. She says like clockwork, one of her siblings would start fighting in the back seat of the car. Her mom was torn between looking back, using the rear-view referee method, or keeping her eyes on the road. One day, her mom became so frustrated with the fighting, she made all four kids get out and walk in front of the car down a lonely, tumbleweed-infested country road while she drove slowly behind them. It was only when her mom felt they had learned their lesson that she let them back into the car. At that point, Bazi says, they all fell asleep. Problem solved. Talk about driving a hard bargain!
The Doctor
My mom was always trying to use old folk remedies to cure what ailed me. One of the worst was the use of cow-chip tea — and yes — they were real cow chips. She said her grandmother swore by them when it came to getting rid of a cold. She would take the cow chips and boil them in water with tea bags. Then she would add lemon and honey, strain it and pour it into a cup. It didn’t make much difference. The honey and lemon-infused tea may sound tasty, but it still tasted like ... well ... you know where I’m going.
I had never met anyone whose mom beat the cow-chip tea story until I met 29-year-old Terry from Aurora. Terry says the craziest remedy her mom ever used was when she put a penny and a bobby pin on her forehead to stop a nosebleed. She nearly bled to death. I think my mom is related to Terry’s mom. Both examples fall under “Crazy Momma Moments in Medicine.”
The School Lesson
School was probably the one place I dreaded my mother ever doing something crazy, since I knew my classmates would never let me live it down. But another crazy momma moment for me occurred during my sixth-grade typing class. I was having what I believed was a moment of comedic genius when my mother walked in and proceeded to instill the fear of God in me. You see, while I was busy telling jokes, Ms. Swanson, my typing teacher, phoned my mother, who promptly came to my class. I never knew typing could be so painful.
The Haircut
Deb says the craziest thing her mom ever did involved school pictures. She remembers making the mistake of reminding her mother they were having class pictures taken the next morning. Of course, Deb’s mom didn’t think her hair looked good enough, so she began giving her bangs a little trim. She’d trim one side of her bangs, step back and start trimming again. It wasn’t long before Deb had only about half an inch of hair left. Deb says she was mortified, but the next day she went to school and took her class photos because she didn’t want her mother to feel bad. She says her mom cut her hair a few more times after that incident, but it wasn’t until she cut Deb’s ear that Deb said “Enough!” to her crazy, lovable momma.
The Bell
Patricia, who has a son in his 40's, says the craziest thing her mom ever did was to tie a silver bell with a nice bow around her neck before she went out to play. She says her mother always knew exactly where she was because with every step came a little jingle. I guess her mom wanted to hear Patricia going and coming!
The Enforcer
When Beth was 9 years old, her mom allowed her neighbor to take her to see the Big Dog Show. After the show, Beth took her dog and wandered around, waiting for someone to pick her up, but no one ever came. She and her dog hid in a stall in the horse barn and fell asleep until the state police found them around 3 in the morning. Apparently, the neighbor thought Beth’s mom was going to pick her up, but Beth’s mom thought the neighbor would bring her home. Her mother was so angry she went next door and punched the woman in the nose. The neighbors never spoke again.
There are so many women who shared Crazy Momma Moments with me, and to all of you I say, Thank you. On this Mother’s Day, whether your mother is alive or alive in your memories, whether she lives close by or far away, whether you have a good relationship with her or not so wonderful ... remember she did the best she could — Crazy Momma or not.
Happy Momma’s Day, Mommas!
