MONEY MAY NOT
BE EVERYTHING
But your attitude toward
it
IS everything!
By AUDREY NELSON, PH.D.
Like success, money is an
emotionally volatile issue
for most women. It’s probably
the most complicated relationship
we have — and the one that most
controls our lives because we let it.
Sarah Ban Breathnach, author, Simple
Abundance
So, do we have a complicated relationship
with money? Is it one that controls
our lives? Where do our feelings
about money come from? And why
might it be important that we analyze
our thoughts, feelings and behaviors
towards money?
WHERE DO OUR
ATTITUDES BEGIN?
Many psychologists will share with
us that our attitudes about money
began with our early memories and
family discussions about money. The
words that we heard in our homes may
have set the tone and contributed to
the beliefs that we carry with us. Words
like abundance or scarcity can go a
long way in creating our attitudes
toward money.
According to money coach Deborah
Price, “Money affects career and relationship
choices and shows up in issues
of control, safety, self-esteem and wellbeing.”
She further says that equating
love and money is a habit we often
picked up from our families: “Rather
than saying 'I love you' or spending time
showing it, parents indulge their children
with material gifts as a way of demonstrating
or compensating for affection...
When these kids become adults, they
can feel unloved unless they are being
given something.”
So from our early beginnings we
develop a money personality. Many
times, rather than viewing money as a
tool, we let it become a coping strategy
for an emotion or belief, either positive
or negative.
Understanding our feelings and beliefs
around money is an important step in analyzing
our relationship with money.
WHY IS IT IMPORTANT
TO ANALYZE?
Statistics from the National Center
for Women and Retirement Research
1996 indicate that between 80 and 90
percent of all women will be responsible
for their finances at some point in
their lives. This can be a turning point
for a woman when she is struggling to
understand why she is having issues
about money or when she tries to comprehend
why she is consistently underearning
when she knows that she is
qualified and worth more.
In her book, Secrets of Six-Figure
Women, Barbara Stanny addresses the
topic of underearning. While her
research shows that money does not
make you happy, she cites nine traits of
underearning women. They:
• Have a high tolerance for low pay.
• Underestimate their worth.
• Are willing to work for free.
• Are lousy negotiators.
• Practice reverse snobbery; i.e., they
have all kinds of distorted perceptions about money, such as people who have
money are unhappy, selfish, stressed. In
this category many women come to realize
that they grew up with painful memories
of money.
• Believe in the nobility of poverty.
• Are subtle self-saboteurs.
• Are unequivocally codependent. Stanny comments that this is when a
woman consistently puts other people’s
needs before her own. It is at this point
that a women sacrifices personal security
and private dreams. She quickly points
out, though, that there is a fine line
between devoted and loyal employee,
wife or mother and sacrificial lamb.
• Live in financial chaos.
Stanny goes on to write that this latter
group of women are at great risk
because they have high debt and low
savings and many times have a disinterest
in learning about money.
HOW DO WE BEGIN
TO TURN IT AROUND?
First, we can start by understanding
our attitudes and beliefs and how our
thoughts and actions have influenced
our decisions. Second, we may choose to
seek out the advice of qualified advisors,
read books or attend seminars, all with a
view to understanding money and the
importance of making it work for us.
Whatever we choose to do, there are a
few simple steps that we can employ
that can turn a situation around. Many a
successful person will tell you about the
importance of obeying the laws of
money. Quite simply, they are:
(1) Spend less than you earn.
(2) Pay yourself first and last.
(3) Put your money to work.
A MOST EXCITING TIME
TO BE A WOMAN
The topic of women and their attitudes
toward money has received
greater attention since many women
are now earning higher salaries. In
fact, the National Center for Education
estimates that by 2010 women will
control 60 percent of the wealth in the
United States.
This change has not escaped the
notice of financial institutions, financial
advisors and consultants, who are looking
to capture the female market.
These groups have done extensive
research in servicing the financial needs
of women. They have found that
women consistently choose conservative
investments, which have historically
produced lower returns than stocks or other types of more profitable investments.
Why is this a concern? When
women enter retirement, they may not
have enough money.
Compound that with the fact that
women, according to statistics, live
longer than men, and they may enter
and exit the work force, thus accumulating
less money for retirement.
The financial community wants
women to be aware that they will need
more money for retirement if they are
going to live the type of lifestyle they
have dreamed of.
WHAT WILL YOU DO?
The question is posed. What will you
do? Will you look at your relationship
with money? Will you reclaim your personal
power? Financial advisors share the
view that financial independence epitomizes
power.
Will you embrace the challenge?
